


Don't Let It Get To You So Much

by HelloitsVehere



Series: Long Read ☆ [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Almost Kiss, Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, shyan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-17 18:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20625656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloitsVehere/pseuds/HelloitsVehere
Summary: Ryan & Shane check Youtube comments. It didn't go well. But then it did.





	1. don't say that please

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning! This is my first work and English isn't my mother tongue. My apologies to any mistakes 🙏.
> 
> This work doesn't have anything to do with Ryan or Shane and is only a fiction work for me to vent about some people who can't understand between jokes and real fights. (￣～￣;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan checks Youtube comments. It didn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes you can find _all_ the comments here on the video itself (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSQG0zvR6dk&t=502s). I still can't believe how many comments I got from there..
> 
> May become a hurt/comfort? But for now, it's just pure angst (• ε •)

Ryan’s boss expects the new season to come out better '_It’s not like the show is going downhill but there’s always room for improvement'_. Ryan agrees. He wants nothing but the best for his baby Unsolved.

It’s a cozy Friday. Most of the group went home by now, probably preparing to go out for the night. They are all party people, he knows. That’s why he decided to do the job for them. A secret favor that he knows won’t bring him anything but the pictures on Instagram of a fun celebration.

He doesn’t feel sad or left out when he sees all his co-workers in the frame. It just means that he cares about them, it means he rather stay after work to finish the tasks so the others could have their free time. People though being a host of the most famous show in Buzzfeed, Ryan have to be a strict, serious manager to keep things together. However, he rarely heard that from his friends.

When the sky paints itself with soft pink, cotton candy clouds, Ryan pulls out his phone and opens Youtube. Taps on the Supernatural playlist, he’s looking for nothing more, nothing less than pieces of advice in the comments.

‘The Phantom Prisoners of Ohio State Penitentiary’, that’s a good place to start, even with 5 million views.

He meets a comment, with about 1k7 likes.

_Ryan was so salty on this episode_

Oh. This is _that_ episode.

He doesn't know what or who he was mad of on that day but did his behavior count as ‘salty’? Sure he gives the ghosts some shits here and there but that just what Shane was doing all the time. How can this time be any different?

There’s a tug on his heart as he reads the replies.

_he was really salty_

_He was just scared like always_

_He must be on his period_

_I was like "damn" like 4 or 5 times from his behavior. He threw the fun vibe of this off._

_He is!! 😅_

_Yeah ur right_ _I thought so too_ _I thought I was over thinking it but yeah glad to see I'm not the only one that noticed it. It's ok a bit but it was pretty rude how he was acting._

The number of people that understand for him counts on the head of fingers.

He swipes down, focuses on the main task to drow out the ache.

_I can't stand it because you don't leave the Spirit box on long enough_

He quickly scribbles it down to the yellow note on his table. Oh, you want Ryan to piss his pants more? Hell yeah. He could pass out on the set and still wanting the footage to be filmed. For the sake of comedy am I right. Who cares if he cuts out the flick of him tug in his sleeping bag crying at the location.

Just before he finally making progress. Another criticism hit him like a truck.

_When Ryan cut Shane off...i felt that_

That makes him wonders if their banter has gone too far at some point that makes this person so upset. Curious, he clicks play. His mind immediately screams _get back to work _cause it’s dumb. It’s dumb to scan through every second to find what goes wrong that make an individual type that in the comment section. But he can’t help it. He must know why people are saying these things.

1:49. Shane begins to make his statement, something close to a movie reference that even now Ryan knows he wouldn't understand. Ryan with the green night film color quickly turns around.

“I'm gonna go ahead and cut you off right there cause I don’t give a shit”

Snappy Ryan continues to walk into the next room’s door, leaving Shane and the cameraman behind. Real Ryan holds his breath. He silently thanked the empty seats around his table.

The frame moves to Shane and his sad, disappointed face, the one he always pulls on when there’s disagreement or a bit. Then, it goes on with the shot. Nothing more.

Ryan just confuses. Is there something else? Did he cut Shane off at another time maybe? Or did Ryan’s words really cut Shane that deep? Shit, what if he_ is_. How can he not see it sooner? How can he be so ignorant of his friend’s feelings?

Ryan switches to the messaging app. Only to realize it’s been a year already.

This happened over a year ago.

Now he doesn’t know why he’s being so self-conscious about it. Why he can’t let go of the past. Like he was a clingy highschooler.

Still, the words there, sitting in front of his screen like an announcement, make him want to vomit.

‘Ryan Steven Bergara being a meany to Shane Alexander Madej on 12 May 2018’.

His thumb brush over the replies before he can stop the sickness running through his veins.

_ryan was pretty sassy in this episode _

_i GASPED it was so mean _

_Right lol I was like damn Ryan _

_RUDE _

_right! it almost hurt my feelings lol _

_I was really interested in what he was saying _

_I was thinking, i never saw ryan act that mean before. Shane’s a good guy, even if he makes fun of Ryan’s height. It felt like when ryan said that, it hurt. _

_He actually scared me a bit, but these guys fight A LOT and then they´re back to their joking around, so my mind is at ease. For now. _

_i felt sorry for shane haha _

_ikr _

_YES! lmao_

He remembers tried to be bolder for the event. He tried to be less of a backup for Shane’s jokes. Fuck. He tried so hard to even says those ‘hurtful words’ so the observers could see that Shane isn’t picking upon him. That this banter is a two-sided thing. Cause he cares about Shane so much.

So much.

Suddenly, the last pixelates load at the bottom of the page.

_Ryan is jealous of Shane’s popularity. It’s annoying._

It physically takes out a knife and shoved deep inside his already salted wound. His eye stings when he asks himself. _Do I?_.

No, he doesn’t mind when in a fan meet up, Shane will get more hugs and signatures than him.

He doesn’t bother when he was asked to stand out so the fan can have only Shane in a picture.

He doesn’t aware of how many Shaniacs out there.

He doesn’t object when there are more views and likes on Shane’s posts on social media.

He doesn’t complain about the number of fanart, memes, edits gap between them.

He doesn’t take offense in ‘Shane is hotter than Ryan’.

He doesn’t give a shit about the mails being shipped to their address, only to be Hot Daga handmade crafts.

Hell, he even admired how his small mini-show could be such a big influence on their fanbase.

Because the only thing he cares about is Shane.

In the beginning, Bert was a good co-host too. Helping him with the footage, do research together. When all Shane has to do is pops up and tell ghosts and demons to fuck off. The show grows that way, with Shane being the funny skeptic man he is, while Ryan keeps doing all the analysis.

But that does not mean Shane didn’t do anything for Unsolved. The amount of attention they get after a sentence that turns to a meme is unbelievable.

On the other hand, Ryan wondered if his achievements have done anything for the show yet.

All the night of voice-overs that burns his throat, he still can’t pronounce things correctly.

All the theories he spends time in is called ridiculous.

All his belives have no source to be proved.

All his fears are just his imagination.

While Shane is such a perfect human being that his one wink could bring Ryan back to life.

After a moment, the moisture on his face fell down to his phone screen bought him back to reality. He’s crying in the middle of the office while reading Youtube comments. Wow.

His surroundings blurred with tears as he hurriedly rusts to the bathroom. In the bright lights, he catches a glimmer of himself in the mirror. Disgust how pathetic his reflection is. Red eyes, ruffled hair, wet cheeks.

Ryan locks the door to a stall shut, can only hear his racing heartbeat. The man set his drained body down to the toilet, dragging his legs up so he can hide them from the gap under the door, hiding his face between hands and knees.

Is his work for Unsolved not enough? Did the side projects he got involved in making his presence bad? Ok, he knows those were cringy, but how else is he gonna make more funds for the production? Ryan has to agree with more than a thousand videos so they can have their own network channel. It is not like Buzzfeed gonna divide the most-watched show out of their bullshits so it can grow on its own.

Even when Unsolved has it’s own platform, the company still tries to shove their trash content down the fan’s throat. Ryan blames himself every time a non-Unsolved video pops up in the notification.

Like he didn’t put enough effort into his show so they decided to ‘fix’ it.

Ryan feels like he should push just a _little_ harder for Unsolved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if I should continue with a second chapter! ˊ▽ˋ


	2. how dare you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane checks Ryan's Youtube comments. It didn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually impressed how my first work got so much kudos ಥ_ಥ Thank you to all the people that helped me find my courage to continue to write this fic.
> 
> Y'all comments make me screams louder than Ryan in season 6 premiereヽ(●´∀`●)ﾉ
> 
> Again. _All_ the comment can be found on the video itself. I've made two chapters out of the comments there... unbelievable.

Shane comes back to the office an hour later. Of course, he has to be so excited for the night to even care about his house key. The rest of the group is waiting impatiently downstairs, they supposed to be at the bar by now, and no one wants to waste their precious weekend. 

‘No one’ excluded Ryan.

His best friend has told the rest to ‘enjoy their time, saving energy for the next season’. But somehow the man himself said he needed to finish some work at home. Like _ he _ isn’t the one who screams over flashlights on their set.

The whole team has concerns for him, though if anybody tried to get between the loving, unhealthy relationship of Ryan and Unsolved, they’ll sure get their price. 

Shane move with long steps, push open the heavy glass door. Only to see the empty office with lights on. Has Ryan gone home? Well, at least it’s better that he passes out at home.

The screen on the monitor next to his table begs to offer. The script and editing software icons still sit peacefully on the taskbar, with a reminder that they haven’t saved yet.

But another bright light on the desk got his attention.

It's Ryan's phone. Ryan never leaves his phone. Well, I guess it’s doesn’t count when he’s the only one around after hours.

Shane knows looking over other people's phones is rude, but he and Ryan are best friends for years. Besides, it is _his _ fault for leaving his stuff around all messy.

Shane adjusts his glasses once before reading the texts. It's the YouTube comments section, he could recognize the design anywhere.

However, he didn’t recognize the regular funny commentary they should have.

_Ryan was so salty on this episode _  
  
_ Is it just me or is Ryan unnecessarily aggressive this epd? _  
_  
_I think Ryan is on his man period lol😂

What?

His finger scrolls up to see the title. ‘The Phantom Prisoners of Ohio State Penitentiary’. It’s one of the classics that they did.

Shane’s eyes land on the date. ‘12 May 2018’

Now _ that _ he can recall. It was when Unsolved was rising, growing day by day with the memes and banters.

That didn’t explain the comment though. Why would they say Ryan was salty? What did that pure cinnamon roll even do in the video?

Shane never dives into the criticisms that much but now he thinks about it. Most of the time it’s _ Ryan _ who gathers all the information from the viewers to upgrade their show. Rather or not it’s positive or negative.

Shane didn’t even _ know _ there were so many negatives that his friend have to scan through.

He greets a Shaniac account along the way, proven by the avatar of Shane’s picture.

_ Only 2 minutes in... and poor Shane. I want to know what he had to say about Air Force One. _

He hesitates to see what the replies are about. Cause even he doesn't recognize what exactly emotion he felt in the video. It was just a plain banter that so _ typical _ to remember.

His fans disagree.

_i was actually waiting for the facts or whatever Shane had to say and i dropped my mouth when Ryan turn around and said that, like whaatttt--- ruuuddee. _

_ He looked so hurt when Ryan snapped and I got angry when he started to say a movie fact _

_ Maybe ryan was tired as hell but he didnt have to snap at shane _

_ right? Damn, Ryan, calm tf down _

_ Right like I feel so bad :( poor Shane like I hate being cut off let alone being told that nobody cares about what I was gonna say😭he didn’t deserve that _

_ Well now we know who is a producer and who is the co host..._

_but still shane is improtant part_

‘Shane is important’? Aright. He wouldn’t describe himself as being vain. But what did they mean by ‘producer’ and ‘co-host’? That Shane ‘didn’t deserve that’? Ryan don’t deserve _ this _ either. He put so much determination and work for this show to grow, it’s his dream project. Shane’s just as lucky to be a partner with him.

He knows how followers go. trying to protect their idols in any situation. But this has gone too far. They have to realize that being an admire to Shane does not make Ryan bad.

He almost sits down, gets comfortable to make a sense out of this, until he grasps this is Ryan’s phone.

And Ryan is nowhere to be found.

Shane set the phone down, lay on it’s back so he doesn’t have to feel betrayal by his own platform again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I've come too far to turn back now `(๑ △ ๑)` Chapter 3 cumming soon.


	3. i wanna kiss you standing up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane checks on Ryan. It goes well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe my first fic and it got 50 kudos ʘل͟ʘ
> 
> But anyway, tomorrow (for me) is the new season 6 premiere! :D So I guess this is a good time to end my first story here.
> 
> By the way, read the tags please :)))  
1\. I can't write kissing scenes yet. Thank you TJ for keeping it that way.  
2\. The Unsolved crew and also close friends with Ryan in this fic includes Mark, TJ, Devon, and Bert. I do not confirm this information, it's only my imagination messing around. Sorry to the rest of the team ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡
> 
> Thank you to all the supports ヽ( ﾟᗜ ﾟ)ﾉ

Shane swing opens the rooftop door. The cold breeze tickles his sensitive skin.

  
Folks never come up here anymore since they have a small room for smoking on the third floor now. But yet, he didn’t find it surprising when he found his ghoul friend up here anyway.

Ryan looks small. Well, he always looks small. However, when he’s sitting upon the edge of the building, back to him, covering himself with a gray hoodie, engrossed with writing on a sticky note, you can never guess the figure is a muscular twenty-nine years old man who screams at the wind for a job.

With the afternoon sky in the background covers in shades of soft pink and orange, his friend looks like a stray cat resting, taking in the last sunlight of the day.

Shane slowly makes his way across the concrete ground, carefully not to spooks him. It didn't work since Ryan still jumps when he makes his present.

“Ah-. Shane”

Ryan quickly shifts the sleeve of his shirt to his eyes. And for a second, they look wet.

“Why are you here big guy?”

Shane waited until Ryan has done with his business. Ryan moves around a bit, shuffling the contents on the other hand. Shane can't find the courage to ask about the things he has been reading yet.

“Forgot my keys” Shane holds out said object like a confirmation.

“Oh”

Silence is filled by the wind blowing over their heads. Shane can feel his hair flying everywhere by the hairline being pulled in different ways but nothing can drow out the ache in his chest when he stares at his pal.

Ryan just so _small_ that he thinks he could just hold him in his palms, cuddle his mushy cheeks and velvety skin.

There was a moment where the younger meet his eyes. They are red, bloodshot and twinkle with leftover tears. He didn’t get a second look.

“Are the others down there?”

Shane steady himself. “Yeah”

_ ‘Have you been reading the comments on your phone?’ _

“Well,” Before Ryan even finishes his sentence, he already on his feet

  
“Let’s not keep them waiting yeah?” He spins around stride to the exit.

Shane stands there, looking at the man’s shadow disappear from his vision.

There was a tiny, nearly audible sound that grabs his attention. He stables his frame to reach out a yellow rounded paper on the railing, threatened to fly away any moment.

His friend’s wild handwriting was all over the page.

_ I can't stand it because you don't leave the Spirit box on long enough → more time on SB _

_ Who else heard that “NO” at 10:55? Or am I losing my mind? → audio check _

_ I can’t see shits in the red circles aright boys? What yall hiding with these totally ‘real’ evidence → video brightness _

  
It’s mostly normal suggestions, even if they sound a little demanding to Shane.

Until his sight set on the bottom of the note. 

_is it just me shane looked particularly Good this ep lmao → h always do_

Shane feels his face heat up, the atmosphere on top of this building suddenly so warm, so pleasant. It fills his heart with California sunshine. With _Ryan._

He didn’t find that flare in the Ryan now.

And he’s determined to fix it.

\-----

Shane re-enters the office when Ryan finish his packing.

The monitor is shut down, the phone is nowhere to be seen.

Shane swallows, wonders if Ryan notices the comments he went through.

His friend has his bag neatly done on the chair, it’s only a matter of time for him to go home.

But Ryan just… standing there, his gaze located on the corner of the room. He looks unsure. Shane has seen Ryan expressions a handful of times before, but there’s something hiding under his dazed face. Distressed.

They stay like that, having a moment of cars running outside the soundproof glass with muted conversations from the main hall.

Shane should probably get back to the crew by now before _they_ get worried and come up here instead. And he doesn’t want them to find Ryan broken like this. Yet they linger there with no words.

Until Shane found his.

“You know they don’t mean it right?”

Ryan’s eyes got big, unexpected. But he stays in position.

“What you mean?”

“Don’t hide it Ry” 

“No. Seriously. I don’t know”

Shane’s scrutiny turns sad. Disappointed.

“You can tell me you know?”

“No. It’s nothing really-”

Shane puts a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, twist the smaller’s frame around to meet his.

Ryan looks up, there are concerns in those dark chocolates. Not frightened like in the Sallie House, he’s never afraid of Shane, but his heartbeat is loud enough to feel through the thin layer of wool.

“Ryan”

Shane lowered his voice, firm. He can sense Ryan freeze up, then shaking steadily in his grip. His Adam's apple dropping, lips quivering around a dead sentence. 

Then a gut-wrenching sob tore through his chest as a tear starts to form again.

Ryan comprehends that he has been holding it in for too long, for every judgment passes his vision since the start of his career.

Now he _breaks_.

Shane didn’t say anything more, just pull him close, let the body wracked with an onslaught of whimper and tears lean on him. Ryan hides his face in Shane’s shirt, hands tug the material behind Shane’s back. It will definitely wrinkled after this but he couldn't give a fuck.

“I..- I’m just. They’re just… so-” He speaks through hiccups.

“I know”

The older keep holding on, whispering spells to calm him down. 

"It's ok. They don't mean it. You're ok. You're good. You're amazing buddy. The show is amazing. You've worked so hard, ok? You've earned it. You're talented. You've done so well. It's ok, it's ok"

And just like that, the curse vanishes.

  
Time seems to pause for Ryan to breath normal again. Now they're just hugging, enjoy the buzzing of lights on top of their heads. Shane shakes Ryan up before the exhaustion got him.

"You there?"

The man huffed a small wheeze. It's the most beautiful sound Shane ever heard.

"Yeah. Yeah. Thank you"

"You know you don't have to listens to them all the time, right? I'm here"

Ryan weakly isolates his torso away from him to look up. Shane’s chest feels cold where the air rushes back to fill the space. But inside, his rib cage is boiling his heart. Cause Ryan is looking at him with those browns again, this time, they _shine_.

"Your mother didn’t teach you to respect people's privacy?"

Despite the tears in his eyes, his smile is genuine. And that's all Shane needs. He leans forward.

Well, _ down _wards. Since Ryan is literally a head shorter than him.

The heat between their lips closing in.

The sound of the glass door opens started them. They quickly pull apart to see an angry TJ standing at the doorway.

"What taking you so fucking long Madej-"

He quickly shuts his mouth when he sees Ryan's crying aftermath. Notices the strange atmosphere, the man slowly back off, muttering.

"Nope nope nope. Not my job"

The couple stock-still. Trying to guess what moves next.

"So um"

Shane breaks the awkward tension, getting Ryan's spotlight.

"We're still going to the bar down the street. Wanna join?"

Ryan instantly denied it.

"Haven't done the research yet"

"Fucks the research. It's Friday, our treat"

"But-"

Shane grabs his shaky hand, beam at his eyes to claim a point.

"Our treat. You don't have to overwork yourself like this anymore ok? Don't listen to what those people are saying, they don't know the shits you've been through to bring us here. Now you need a break for yourself while we actually _ work _ for once"

Ryan frown.

"You've worked too"

"We aren't paid to do the final watch through Ry. C’mon, I _ promise _ I’ll take care of it"

Four seconds pass by. Ryan's small annoyance appears in his speech.

"_Fine._ But you guys have to do finish it next week"

"There’s our ghoul boy"

Ryan puts his backpack over his left shoulder, a sad grin across his face briefly.

"You guys need a raise"

"You're the best boss we can ever ask for, alright? The amount of bets we have is a quarter of our monthly wage"

"What bets?"

Shane smiles, never answered.

They assemble with the rest at last. Nobody asks why Shane's so upbeat, why Ryan's face so pinkish or why TJ looks like he saw a ghost behind them, thankfully. But they all glad Ryan could spend some free time for his own good. The Instagram pictures finally tagged with his account’s name.

They eventually got drinks for Ryan after driving 30 miles an hour to their destination. There was beer, food, music, dancing,... The lovely mood of the summer night with friends drown out all the sentences that bruised him.

And this time Ryan knows they can't be able to swim near him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☞(◉▽◉)☞ Remember: September 20th, 3pm PST ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨


End file.
